One Chapter Ends, Another Begins

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Present word count of WIP:  56,872

Jason before the Graduation Ceremony

He’s done. He graduated. He walked with the Class of 2012 on Friday evening, and received his fancy diploma holder (minus the actual diploma, which will arrive in the mail soon). After moving his honors tassel (he graduated magna cum laude) from the right to the left along with all the other graduates, he tossed his cap in the air.

Of course, he was careful to toss it only so far so that he could quickly and easily retrieve it. After all, Jason didn’t cease being Jason upon graduating.

It was interesting to me that I didn’t get emotional during the ceremony, though my feelings seemed to cut through to my heart like a sharp knife slicing through a doughy loaf of bread. I watched as he walked in through the honor guard of academically robed faculty toward his assigned seat to the strains of “Pomp and Circumstance.”

My eyebrow rose as he then walked straight past his row toward the front. Was he making a major faux pas? No, I realized, seeing his destination: the three small risers set up in front of the dais for the “Senior Choir.” As soon as all the seniors had entered and taken their places, everyone in the sports arena was asked to stand and face the flag as Jason and his fellow graduating seniors from Richland High’s Chamber Choir sang “The Star Spangled Banner.”

Afterward, they took their assigned seats and the welcome and speeches got underway. Two things that were memorable:

First, a young man from Egypt, one of the nine graduating foreign exchange students, surprised and touched everyone when he seized the podium for a moment to give a sincere thanks for his experience here, saying “I will never forget you.” Considering the political turmoil to which he’s returning, I am sure he won’t.

Second, in talking about success, one of the valedictorians quoted the poet, Maya Angelou: “Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.”

That spoke to me because I found that to be a measure that would work for someone like my son. So many of these graduates are headed away from home either immediately or once the summer’s over–to college, jobs, or the armed forces. Perhaps they will measure their success by the world’s standard: a degree, an increase in salary, or a promotion in rank.

In the end, however, it’s the inner measure that truly counts. How happy are you? Do you like yourself? Do you like what you’re doing and how you’re doing it?

And that brings me to the true moments of joy I felt and witnessed as I watched Jason end his high school days this past week and a half.

At his final choir concert, Jason was named “Most Inspirational” among the Chamber Choir members and you should have heard the roar of approval and cheers from all his friends. That’s when I got emotional. I think it even surprised Mr. Fryhling, his director.

Again, as I watched him with his friends after the graduation ceremony on Friday (and at yesterday’s Open House honoring the graduates at our church), I was struck by how far he had come since his pre-school days.

Jason and Cody

David and Jason

Jason greeting another friend

James and Jason

Christian, Harrison, and Jason

It was a surprise for me because, unlike elementary school where parents are allowed to hover a bit, helping out the teacher as their cover, middle school and high school are practically “No Trespass” zones (unless they happen to be teachers there, as well).

Sure, he made friends in elementary school, but they were perhaps a handful at most. And he spent time with them as much for the toys they offered as for camaraderie.

But these high school years have brought Jason true joy. Check out his smile in this picture with his friend, Harrison, for example. That is no pasted on smile. That is true happiness.

Jason and Harrison

And, in the end, that’s all that counts in my book.

I can’t be sure about what lies ahead for my son, but I know he’s already gained two things that last forever–knowledge and friendships.

Originally posted 2012-06-03 09:41:13.

Another Road Trip

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Unlike most mothers, I never really had to do a lot of chauffeuring when my kids were younger (except for the three years they were involved with Riverside Children’s Theatre). After one year of girls softball, Allison gave it up, and Jason was NEVER interested in sports.

Then my daughter entered high school and gave one more sport a try: Cross Country. She did quite well (even competing at State), and more importantly, found a life long pursuit. In the process, I put a lot of mileage on the van and then the SUV.

In California, I drove to schools in the Inland Empire, the famous Mt. SAC competition, and even up to the well-known Clovis Invitational, all to watch her run and cheer their team on. Once we moved up here to Washington after her sophomore year, the driving continued to points east and west of the Cascades and even into Oregon. Fortunately, the state championship was held in our own backyard–Pasco.

I thought most of my driving days were pretty much over when Allison went off to college. And sure enough, I only averaged 1-2 trips down to Utah during most of her years at BYU (and one of those annual trips each year was for my benefit–a writing conference).

Allison's Graduation Picture

Then this past April hit. With our daughter preparing to graduate and go off to serve a mission, we decided we should attend General Conference as a family. One trip. A niece in South Jordan got married. Another trip. Allison graduated and went through the SLC temple in preparation for her mission. A third trip. The LDStorymaker’s Writer’s Conference. A fourth trip.

Tomorrow morning I’m heading down again, this time to help her pack up and bring everything home so she can attend her brother’s graduation. But do you think she’s staying put once she’s home? Nope. You see, there’s this half marathon she wants to run back in . . . you guessed it. Provo.

I think that’s one race I can miss, particularly because we’ll be taking yet another trip down that way in mid-July to drop her off at the MTC.

Have all these trips been worth it? Of course! Spending time with her, seeing her graduate after working so hard, seeing her so beautiful in white in the temple. Socializing with, and learning from, all my writing friends. Every single trip was worth it. And this one will be no different.

Besides, it’s helped me train for long-distance travel. Something I hope will come in handy when The Boy in the Pool comes out at the end of summer and I have to drive around for signings in bookstores and Costcos here in the Northwest and in Utah (and wherever else my publisher recommends).

But this time around I’ll be chauffeuring myself.

Originally posted 2012-05-28 17:31:54.

WOMEN OF STRENGTH by Tristi Pinkston

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Present word count of WIP:  55,431 (Yay, I’m finally moving ahead again!)

One of my favorite and most revealing stories from my tomboyish childhood (I was only three at the time this occurred) was recounted by my father in his personal history as follows:

“Christmas was fun…Tanya wanted and got cowboy boots and hat, plus a gun belt and six-shooters. She slept that  night wearing everything but the hat…Later we were to learn that she had developed a belief that boys get all the toys. In their shared bedroom, Jeff’s bed, especially made for us in Athens, had large deep drawers for the toys. When they finished playing they had to put their toys away in their assigned drawers. But Tanya apparently thought this meant all the toys were Jeff’s. We didn’t know this until almost a year later. At a friend’s party in Athens, Greece, she told a guest that ‘only boys can have toys.’ This taught us that words are only one of the languages that reach our youngest children.”

I couldn’t help but be reminded of that story as I read Tristi Pinkston’s short, but marvelous book, WOMEN OF STRENGTH. As she points out so well, and in so many ways, a woman’s true strength comes from within, not from any outward “toy” like a career, job, educational degree, high-placed connection, or luxury possession. Within the LDS Church, even a woman’s calling in the ward is no indication of her real power, except in the way she fulfills or magnifies it.

She discusses the source of our strength and how it meshes perfectly with the nature of a woman. Separate chapters are devoted to our strength as wives, singles, or parents. She talks about how we are less without men and how they are less without us. In the eyes of God, men and women are equal and always have been.

We demonstrate our strength, she says, in the ways we keep God’s commandments, develop our talents, and display virtue in our lives. Most importantly, she calls on women everywhere to step forward in this age of slipping morality and take a stand for ourselves, our families, our communities, and our world.

If you ever doubted your own worth as a woman, or know a wife, sister, mother, daughter, niece, granddaughter, or friend who has, this book has strength, in and of itself, to lift the insecure soul of any woman.

Originally posted 2012-05-25 12:42:31.

DAUGHTERS OF JARED by H.B. Moore – Review

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Present word count of WIP:  55,312

Back Cover Copy

Naiva, daughter of the dethroned King Jared II, lives in the shadow of her privileged elder sister, Asherah. But when Asherah develops a secret plot to return their father to the throne, Naiva’s resentment turns to fear. Thwarting the scheme becomes more complicated when Naiva discovers that Akish, the first man who has shown interest in her, is an integral part of the plan.

(I’ve decided not to quote the rest of the back cover copy because it gives too much away, in my opinion, and part of the fun of reading this, or any, book is not knowing in which direction the story will twist.)

 

My Review

Two things stood out in this novel, besides the fact that it was well written.

First, the author certainly knows Meso-American culture and history. Having read a couple of her other works set in the same general area and time, I wasn’t surprised, but I must say that her research here really shines. Her descriptions of dwellings, clothing, makeup, food, and rituals easily transported me into the world and story scripturally described by Moroni in the the book of Ether in the Book of Mormon. Some may argue about the need or even the propriety of fictionalizing scripture, but I, for one, have no problem distinguishing between a work of scripture and a work of fiction. Besides, the story of the daughter of Jared has everything a novelist dreams of: love, betrayal, secrecy, murder…and a happy ending (at least for the good guy). And that’s just the scriptural account!

This leads me to the second aspect of Moore’s work that stood out for me. In taking the brief outlines of a story provided in the eighth chapter of Ether, she wisely introduced a fictional sister of the “wicked” daughter of Jared–Naiva. Unlike her older sister, Asherah, Naiva is appalled at the idea of assassination, but isn’t sure enough of herself to argue. Indeed, she is so tied to her sister that when things become difficult and there appears to be an easy way out for her she somehow can’t force herself to take it, even though the reader is screaming for her to do so. (In fact, if there is a weakness to the novel, it is that the reason for that bond wasn’t established clearly and firmly enough early on in the story.) I didn’t like her decision at first, but had to admit later that it gave a certain complex depth to her character. (Also, the author no doubt felt tied to the chronology of the scriptural story with regard to the fate of Naiva’s nephew, Shez.)

Moore could have chosen to tell the story through Asherah’s point of view (with no fictional sister), showing the change in her character as the terrible decisions she makes lead to horrific results. That might have proven a more interesting approach. It would have been challenging, however, because she’s hard to like for much of the story.

I only wish the book had been longer. I would have loved even more detail about the plotting, their royal life, and so forth.

Regardless, I highly recommend Daughters of Jared, and if you want to learn more about the author, please check out her blog or her website.

Originally posted 2012-05-21 10:05:45.

YA Romance – NIGHT SKY by Jolene Perry

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Back Cover Copy:

Girl I’ve loved, girl I’m falling for. Now that they’re both in view, the problem is clear.

After losing Sarah, the friend he’s loved, to some other guy, Jameson meets Sky. Her Native American roots, fluid movements, and need for brutal honesty become addictive fast. This is good. Jameson needs distraction – his dad leaves for another woman, his mom’s walking around like a zombie, and Sarah’s new boyfriend can’t keep his hands off of her.

As he spends time with Sky and learns about her village, her totems, and her friends with drums – she’s way more than distraction. Jameson’s falling for her fast.

But Sky’s need for honesty somehow doesn’t extend to her life story – and Jameson just may need more than his new girl to keep him distracted from the disaster of his senior year.

My Review:

While I generally don’t read Romance as a genre, I was interested to see how well the author, a woman, would be able to get inside the head of a teenage boy (partly because I’m attempting the same thing in my current WIP…though my protagonist is a good bit younger).

Jameson, or “Jay,” comes off realistically in terms of his behavior. He’s a top high school swimmer and he takes out a lot of his frustrations in his backyard pool. Living in Las Vegas with parents who work late hours in one of the local casinos, he freely roams the strip when he needs to get some air to sort out his thoughts. And when he loses his temper, he throws his phone (a couple of times) and even lays into the jerk who stole his best friend, Sarah.

His language and his sexual urges also come off realistically, sometimes uncomfortably so. (If you can’t handle swearing and/or reading about what goes on in a boy’s head when he’s around a beautiful girl like Sky, this book is probably not for you.)

Some of his mental process didn’t ring true for me, however. He seemed to obsess over his problems more like a girl would. Granted, he has plenty to think about:

The best friend he’s secretly been in love with for the past three years has now got a controlling boyfriend who doesn’t want Jay anywhere near her.

His dad and mom split up about a third of the way through the novel and there’s no telling if they’ll get back together…or even if he really wants them to.

And now he’s fallen in love with Sky, a gorgeous Native American from Alaska, who insists on honesty in their developing relationship, yet seems to be holding something back.

As a coming of age novel, it took me a while to warm up to it. I didn’t like Sky at first because she seemed way too forward (particularly so, once the reader learns more about her background later). Once more was revealed about Sky’s clan and background, however, that was when the book began to get interesting. I was hooked. She was definitely the stronger of the two characters (meaning Jay and Sky). If this was meant to come off as a complicated love triangle, all I have to say is, his relationship with Sarah needed to be strengthened outside his head.

In any case, the writing was fluid and the pacing generally well done. If you want a good YA read, and aren’t put off by language or somewhat sensual scenes, Jolene Perry’s NIGHT SKY will more than satisfy.

 

Originally posted 2012-05-14 07:38:27.

Reading, Reading, and More Reading

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Present word count of WIP:  54,620

Sorry for slacking off here. I know I missed posting last Friday and this past Monday, but I was in the middle of a terrific writer’s conference (LDS Storymakers)…and then I was still recovering from it.

(A ten-hour drive in one day is not easy, despite M&Ms and other caffeinated products, particularly after you’re coming off of five nights of only 3-5 hours of sleep on average. But an audio book leant to me by my writing/conference buddy, Liz Adair, certainly helped!)

Anyway, it was a great conference. The best thing was that I had another excuse to see my daughter. I won’t have too many more opportunities like that before she leaves on her mission. And she even came to the Whitney Awards Banquet with me (that’s become a custom…I’ll definitely miss her next year).

Liz and I were roommates again and we also kept each other company during the massive book signing (and I got to pick up a lot of tips on how to do a signing by watching our neighbor, Janette Rallison, respond to the lines and lines of fans queued up for her signature or picture).

Liz and I at the Book Signing

Me with Janette Rallison and Rachelle Christensen

I took part in one of the critique sessions held during the Publication Primer the day before the conference and met some terrific writers there, including David King, Rebekah Wells, and Becky Tueller and her sister, Cheryl. Our group was led by Natalie Hickman, almost due to have her baby and just out of the hospital that morning. Talk about dedication to your craft!

Me with David and Rebekah

I pitched my WIP to Holly Root of the Waxman Literary Agency and she wants to see the first three chapters when it’s ready. YAY!!! She also said she’d have no problem taking on a client that wanted to write both Women’s Fiction and Middle Grade…all under my own name. Hmmm. Maybe I won’t need a pen name after all.

Also, I met with my editor, Linda Mullineaux, and they’re now looking at sending my book (which will be called something other than Laps) to press in August! I gave them a new suggestion for the title and I think they may go with it. But I’m not announcing it here until it’s finally approved. Anyway, I’m firmly a part of the Walnut Springs Press family, as shown by this picture of several of their authors taken after the Whitney Awards Banquet.

Walnut Springs Authors (Me, Angie Lofthouse, Liz Adair, Jenni James, Betsy Love, Theresa Sneed, and the injured Tristi Pinkston)

Besides the fact that I desperately need a makeover, I learned lots of great things at the LDS Storymakers Conference, as usual (particularly loved Jennifer Nielsen’s class on Middle Grade Fiction and Jeff Savage’s on Podcasts), though I didn’t get to attend nearly as many workshops or classes. That was because:

1) My body crashed after my Friday afternoon pitch . . . it’s a little too old now for these midnight film premieres (but “The Avengers” was terrific!)

and . . .

2) I volunteered to help do timekeeping for pitch sessions on Saturday morning. I can’t tell you how nice it was to be the one watching the clock rather than the one racing through my pitch over and over in my mind while waiting for the signal to go in and face the agent.

While I didn’t spend much in the bookstore, I came away with two more books to review this month. I was already set to review Jolene Perry’s Night Sky on May 14th (I just finished reading it today and have the review all written), but now I’m due to read Heather Moore’s Daughters of Jared and Tristi Pinkston’s Women of Strength, as well, before the end of the month.

Not to mention all the Whitney Award finalists and winners I’ve got downloaded. As I put in my title, it looks like all I’ll be doing the rest of this month is reading, reading, and more reading!

Originally posted 2012-05-11 13:23:28.

The Artist and Humility

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Present word count of WIP:  54,620

Be prepared for the above word count to remain fairly static for the rest of this week. Why? Because I’m en route to a writers conference–the 2012 LDStorymakers Writer’s Conference to be precise–and if there’s one thing that I have difficulty doing while at such a conference, it’s writing.

Oh, I’ll take plenty of notes…and even perhaps work on my pitch, but my WIP? Realistically, probably not (even though I have it with me). You see, it’s such a rare treat for writers to come out of their caves and gather together, that there’s a whole lot of talking about writing and celebrating about writing, but not much writing.

That’s what a retreat is for. (Hint, hint, Liz.)

Anyway, I decided to make it easy on myself this year and split the 10-hour drive down to Utah in half. So, I only had to drive as far as Boise today.

I was prepared for a mostly silent drive because usually NPR devolves into static about an hour outside the Tri-Cities (and I always forget to set the CDs I like to listen to within arms reach). For some reason today, however, I was able to keep listening long past Pendleton.

Long enough to hear a fascinating interview with Wayne Wright. I’d never heard of him before, but he was the artistic genius behind all the puppets, etc. in that 80’s TV show, Pee-Wee’s Playhouse (which I’d heard of but never watched). Anyway, someone has made a documentary about him entitled, “Beauty is Embarrassing.”

At the end of the interview, he was asked to explain the idea behind the title. He spoke about how people can be so overcome by beauty, whether in nature (created by God, if you will) or in works created by man, that they are moved to tears and that’s embarrassing. He said it’s humbling or embarrassing to be made to feel that vulnerable. I loved that idea, because it’s so true.

Then another thought occurred to me, as I was reflecting on how this manifested itself in great writing. That’s how I feel, too, when I create something–a phrase, a sentence, or perhaps a paragraph–and someone in my critique group (or, if it occurred in a talk or a poem or a song or book I’ve written, one of my listeners or readers) compliments me about it. I’m embarrassed.

How do you say “Thank you” when you feel like it was a gift from the true Creator?

So, yes, beauty is embarrassing.

Originally posted 2012-05-01 21:01:01.

Jason’s Future

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Present word count of WIP:  54,620

Today is the last day of Autism Awareness Month…this year. Of course, it comes around every April and who knows what Jason will be up to at this time next year?

Jason in his Senior Picture at one of his favorite haunts–Barnes & Noble

As I said yesterday, he’s planning on serving a local service mission for the Church beginning in January after he’s turned 19. That means he’ll still be living here with us and going to his assigned work area every day except Sunday, I imagine. You see? I haven’t even researched all the options thoroughly yet. I know that Alane’s son worked at the Bishop’s Storehouse, for example, but I’m not sure if that was five or six days a week.

Until then, Jason is planning on beginning the Pathways Program offered through BYU-Idaho. It’s perfect for young men and women who have difficulties fitting in socially or being independent, because it allows them to do most of their learning online while still gaining opportunities for socializing at their local Church Institute. An ACT score wasn’t required (thankfully!), and once he succeeds in completing three quarters, he can then take any courses he likes  that are offered by BYU-Idaho online.

He’ll start attending Institute twice a week this summer and then begin his first quarter in September. The mission will interrupt his studies come January, but he can pick up where he left off afterward, and finish the two remaining quarters.

We’re hoping he’ll be able to find some kind of employment this summer, as well. Not only that, but he needs to learn to drive. He’s been fighting it, but it’s a skill he absolutely needs for his own independence. I’ll also be working with him on a few other life skills this summer, including finally learning to cook for himself.

From this point on, I plan to blog about Jason’s progress only twice a month (probably every second and fourth Friday) in order to document his entry into adulthood and independent living. I appreciate all of you who have read and followed his journey thus far, and particularly those of you who have left comments either here or on Facebook.

One last point: Jason wouldn’t have done nearly as well, had we not had the support of friends like Lisa Gonzalez (a good friend and daycare provider back in Riverside, CA who treated Jason like one of her own), the terrific staff and faculty of Sunshine Early Childhood Center and Ben Franklin Elementary School in Riverside, the wonderful Riverside Children’s Theatre, so many friends in Orangecrest Ward, the very helpful staff and faculty at Enterprise Middle School and Richland High School here in Richland, WA (particularly Mr. Kopf), the Richland High School Choir, and the many wonderful members of Hill View Ward.

Three young men, in particular, made a defining difference for Jason once he started high school: Braden Nelson, Casey Hare, and Jackson Ostler.

These three were some of the most popular LDS seniors at the school and they took Jason under their wing and loved him and accepted him. Because they did, others did, too. And Lily Harris invited him to one of the formal dances, where they both had a wonderful time. I hope any teenagers who might be reading this will take a lesson from this. You CAN make a huge difference in someone else’s life.

Lily is now studying at BYU-Idaho and all three young men are valiantly serving missions right now in Mexico and South America. They are due to return this summer and I know Jason can’t wait to welcome them home.

 

Originally posted 2012-04-30 17:34:54.

Challenges at Church

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Present word count of WIP:  53,497

One of the first books I read about Asperger’s syndrome after Jason was diagnosed was a brief, fascinating autobiography entitled Asperger Syndrome, the Universe, and Everything by Kenneth Hall, a British teenager. The book gave me hope because not only was its author an intelligent young man, fully capable of communicating how he felt about everything, but he seemed inordinately interested in spiritual matters.

I realize that may have been his particular obsession or interest, but one of the things I worried over most about Jason’s disability was whether, or how much, it would impact his involvement in our church.

LDS children are raised with certain expectations, or guided toward particular milestones, if you will, from an early age. Blessed at birth, usually by their fathers who hold priesthood authority, they are taught the gospel each Sunday in Primary from the age of three. When they reach the age of eight, they are given the choice to be baptized as members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. After baptism and confirmation as members of the church, again usually at the hands of their fathers and other priesthood holders, they continue learning simple lessons of the gospel on Sundays in Primary until they turn twelve.

At that point, the girls advance into the Young Women program. The boys, now part of the Young Men program, are ordained to be deacons in the Aaronic Priesthood, and they begin attending Priesthood Meetings. (At age twelve, both girls and boys begin attending youth Sunday School classes.) One of the duties of deacons is to help pass the Sacrament to the general congregation on Sundays. When each boy turns fourteen, he’s ordained to be a teacher, at which point he helps to prepare the Sacrament and he becomes involved with home visits. Then, at sixteen, he’s ordained to be a priest. This means he may now be worthy to bless the Sacrament and even perform the ordinance of baptism.

The next major milestone for an LDS young man is to serve a two-year mission for the church when he turns 19. (Young women may serve an 18-month mission, if they choose, once they are 21.) In preparation for the mission, the youth, once deemed worthy, enters the holy temple to make certain sacred covenants with the Lord and to receive necessary instruction.

The last milestone is a temple marriage, binding for eternity, not just this life.

Given all of this, you might well understand my concern about my son. Would he develop enough of a love for God to want to pursue all these goals? Would he gain a testimony? How much would he be able to love and serve others?

It can be difficult for those with an autistic spectrum disorder to empathize because they are so caught up in their own world. There’s a whole theory of mind problem, about which scientists have done experiments, proving that it’s nigh impossible for these children to put themselves in another’s shoes.

This is why that autobiography gave me so much hope.

So we continued to take Jason to church every Sunday and I helped him prepare and give talks in Primary. We went to all the ward activities, but usually couldn’t stay the whole time because the noise and numbers of people would get to him after a while…or if it was held outside, our stay was even shorter. Michael or I would take Jason home while the other remained with Allison.

Jason and I on his baptism day

By the time he turned eight, most of the adults in our ward knew he had been diagnosed with AS or at least that he was a bit “different.” I was nervous about his baptism. He enjoyed swimming in our pool, but I kept thinking we ought to borrow one of the white baptismal outfits and let him try it out in our pool to get used to the feel of having wet clothing on. We never did, though.

We got to the day of his baptism. In our stake in Riverside, CA, they would have one service for all the children being baptized on a Saturday. Because there were four scheduled to enter the waters of baptism that day, and so many had come to share in the experience, we had the service in the Stake Center chapel. Jason, who had a beautiful boy soprano voice, had volunteered to sing a solo, “When Jesus Christ Was Baptized,” and he did it perfectly. Then we went back to where the font was.

Seeing the font full of water, he began to get nervous and elected to go last. The longer he had to wait, the more nervous he got. When it was his turn, it was all Michael could do to convince him to step out of the Men’s changing room and step into the water. It must have taken a good ten or fifteen minutes (though it seemed longer) of hearing his high-pitched voice saying, “No, no…I don’t want to!” as Michael gently tried to convince him it would be all right.

At about the moment the Stake President, who was there, was ready to call it off and give us permission to baptize him later in our backyard pool, Jason and Michael finally came out and took the first step down into the warm water. It took another five minutes to get him to take the next step. As the water begin to soak through the bottoms of his pant legs, he said, “It feels funny. I don’t like it.” He almost turned around again, but somehow Michael got him to step all the way down, then quickly baptized him. I can tell you, practically everyone in the congregation felt like cheering at that point (particularly the Stake President).

One milestone down.

We had a few more years to breathe before the next one. (I’m not even mentioning the Boy Scout program, which turned out to be a total wash, as far as Jason was concerned. He stuck it out with Cub Scouts and Frank Gonzalez was a terrifically patient Webelos Leader. But he couldn’t stand the camp outs once he became a Boy Scout.)

The real challenge at church was his peers, but I can’t really blame them, looking back now. I should have done the same thing with them that I ended up doing with his classmates at school in fifth grade.

When his fifth grade class began studying the brain, I saw a golden opportunity to nip a growing problem in the bud. Up until then, his classmates had been pretty supportive, but in fifth grade the teasing was beginning again. One day when Jason had had a particularly hard time of it, he asked me why he felt so different from everyone else.

This was the day I’d been waiting for. All the experts had advised not telling your child about his diagnosis until he seemed ready for it. I knew he was ready. So, Michael and I sat down with him and, using a simple book I’d found that was written on a child’s level, we told him about Asperger’s syndrome. I’m not sure how he took it at first, but once I arranged to give a special presentation about it to his fifth grade class, he began to feel almost empowered in a way. Another class sat in on it, as well, and they were all enthralled. Suddenly, they understood why Jason behaved the ways he did and they no longer made fun of him. Instead, they stuck up for him.

If only I had insisted on giving that same presentation to his peers (and their parents) in our ward. It would have saved a lot of heartache, I think.

In any case, when Jason turned twelve he was ordained a deacon. He seemed to be the littlest deacon up there passing the Sacrament, but they were kind and gave him an easy route to remember.

Some eight months later, we moved to Washington and, as I said before, into a ward that already knew their way around Asperger’s.

Are there still challenges? Sure. He still hates Boy Scouts and camping. He’s grown shy in front of an audience, so he has yet to give a talk or bear his testimony (though he came close) in Sacrament Meeting. He’ll sing in the choir, but refuses to sing a solo even though he now has a beautiful bass voice. He goes to the temple with the youth to do temple baptisms, but only does the confirmations.

But as a priest now, he blesses the Sacrament with sincere power and authority. And he accompanies his father on home teaching visits, even giving the lesson now and then.

And in January, after he’s turned 19, he plans on serving a two-year local service mission.

Who knows? Perhaps a temple marriage yet lies in his future.

Only Jason can answer the most important questions about how he really feels about God and Jesus Christ and his relationship to them. All I know is that he’s come a long way spiritually from that little boy of eight who didn’t want to come out of the changing room and step into the water.

 

Originally posted 2012-04-29 20:42:24.

A More Social Second Grade

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Present word count of WIP:  54,620

By the beginning of his Second Grade year, Jason had made some definite advances.

First, it helped that we had put in a pool in our backyard. We wanted to get him more used to water and getting wet. He was due to be baptized by the end of the year and we just couldn’t see how that would come about unless he had a good deal more exposure to being underwater. (As it turned out, the baptism was more than memorable. I promise to write about it later, but for now, be assured that he was baptized.) Besides, he had begun to be afraid of the outdoors (by now, we had figured out that it was all the gnats and flies and anything else that flew–other than birds and butterflies–that bothered him to the point of panic) and he needed fresh air and sunshine.

Jason pushing the raft with Allison and his cousin, Cole

As you can see from the picture above, the pool worked wonders–as long as he had his goggles. Sure, he’d still run from the sliding back door of the house and into the pool, trying his best to avoid any bees or flies, and as soon as he was done swimming, he’d run back inside again…but at least he got some fresh air and sunshine while immersed in the water. Believe it or not, he developed a tan for one of the few periods in his life.

That summer we also tried to push him regarding his food issues. We weren’t very successful, but Michael did get him to help make cupcakes one day. I’m not sure that he took a bite of one when they were done, but at least he’d cracked open an egg and dealt with getting his fingers slightly slimed with the egg white.

Jason cracks an egg to help his father make cupcakes

Another big hurdle was his fear of dogs. A visit from an old friend who had the most gentle Labrador (I think–I’m not a dog expert) proved to my son that not all dogs get excited and jump all over you. After about half an hour of watching the dog from inside the house, Jason ventured out. When the dog stayed where he was, Jason approached and softly petted his hind quarters. Still, the dog didn’t get up. So Jason began petting his head. The dog sat up at that point, but that was all. Soon, they were fast friends. (Unfortunately, the visit didn’t last long. Jason’s still uncomfortable around dogs unless they’re quiet and calm.)

Jason with my friend's dog

As Second Grade began, his social challenges had diminished in terms of being bullied or harassed on the playground. This was mainly due to his making friends with one boy–Adam–who was strong and athletic and kind of looked out for him. He continued to be mainstreamed academically, except for Math. He received special math tutoring with the Resource Specialist four times a week, and went to speech therapy twice a week.

He still had a lot to learn about getting along with his peers in terms of his words as well as his actions. In some areas, he had improved, and in others he had regressed. These were the notes I made and shared with his teacher in September of 2001:

Senses

  • He seems a bit less ticklish now…at least “soft” tickling no longer feels like scratching to him.
  • He’s quite bothered again by the feel of certain inner seams and tags in clothing…the seams in socks bother him a great deal (there are only four pair he will consent to wear at present).
  • He’s gradually getting a bit better now about dealing with a drop of water on his clothing. He put up with a small drop last week for the first time, though he tried to blow it dry first.

Communication

  • Because of current speech therapy, he’s beginning to learn what certain idioms and sayings mean, but he still takes things quite literally. Now and then, however, he appears to catch on to the meaning of an expression without it being explained to him…particularly if he’s seen it used in context in a video.
  • He’s now reading at a 4th grade level, though his comprehension is not at that level.
  • He’s beginning to formulate written sentences on his own better if you give him some parameters within which to work.
  • He’s back to watching more videos again and playing less on the computer (except on Sundays)…so we’re getting a lot of quotes from “The Swan Princess” and “Sailor Moon” lately.

Motor Skills and Movement

  • He’s doing a bit better with Legos.
  • I haven’t noticed him stemming much anymore…except to bounce around on his big ball every few days or so.
  • He was assessed for Adaptive PE and the School District Specialist found him to be on the borderline, so she recommended keeping him in regular PE for the time being (which he gets twice a week with his class…I don’t know how he’s doing there).

Social Interaction

  • He’s got a few friends now…particularly a girl in his class and Adam, a boy in another second grade class (they were in the same class last year). According to his teacher, however, he’s quite jealous and possessive of Erica, for example…to the point of being rude to any other boy who appears to be a rival. As his teacher put it, he can’t quite accept that Erica can have other friends as well as him.
  • His social interaction is still mainly geared towards other toy or pet opportunities (that is, he wants to go play at Adam’s house so he can play with his cat…or he wants to go to Becca’s house to play with her toy swan).
  • Does not do well in large, rambunctious groups, as I’ve found out during the school’s annual Skills Day and their most recent attempt at a regular grade-wide PE class…he just shuts down and refuses to participate.

Obsessions/Preoccupations

  • His current obsessions are Sailor Moon and Princess Odette (from “The Swan Princess”)…also Powerpuff Girls to some extent.

Routines

  • He no longer insists on putting the right sock on before the left one…but does stick with it for the shoes.
  • A happy addition to his morning and nighttime routines: I succeeded in getting him accustomed to using an electric toothbrush.

By the end of his Second Grade year, he was the happy little boy who had disappeared for a while at the beginning of First Grade. School was fun again and he had made some friends.

Jason with Erica. He still goes for taller women.

Jason with a friend from school

I think one of the highlights of 2002, for him (and us), was his successful “Harry Potter” Birthday Party. Six friends from school came and they all loved it…everything from the castle entry to the sorting hat to Potions Class and the Snitch game. Allison even deemed it “cool” enough for a twelve-year-old to attend.

Jason holding Hedwig in front of Hogwarts Castle

Allison and Jason at entrance to Hogwarts

Jason with his guests at the entrance to Hogwarts. (Adam is the blond boy lower left)

Jason with his Harry Potter Birthday Cake

Tomorrow, I’ll post about his baptism and his general response to church in comparison with school.

Originally posted 2012-04-28 08:00:09.